I don’t know about you, but I have had a difficult few months. I needed a good laugh to end this hot summer. So, I did some research and came up with some great jokes, statements, etc. for all to enjoy!
1. God has a great sense of humor. Want proof? Just look around your neighborhood.
2. Go to the grocery store and when people are not looking, place something expensive in their cart.
3. Get to the store microphone, make up your own specials and announce them to all the customers
4. Mad at someone? Get their telephone number, write it on a 3×5 card with an ad for a very cheap computer. Specify that you can only accept calls between 2 -5 am.
5. Uncomfortable seat belts should be outlawed. Car seats should be made out of Velcro.
6. There should be a warning label on the last ten feet of toilet paper.
7. Many idiots can learn how to manage – and many do!
8. My town was so small it had a whorehouse that was self-service.
*A woman is on a train. She notices a man staring at her baby. The man finally says, “That is the ugliest baby I have ever seen.”
The woman becomes very upset and demands that the conductor throw the man off the train. The conductor tries to calm the woman down.
He says to her “I am so sorry you are upset. Please accept my apologies and let me treat you to a wonderful meal in the dining car. I’ll also get a banana for your monkey.”
** Murray is going to play golf. He asks for a caddy with good eyesight because his is bad. The golf pro says he knows a 91 year old senior who has eyes like a hawk.
After a bad shot, Murray asks the senior caddy “Do you see the ball?” The senior caddy replies, “Yes.”
Murray asks, “Where is it?” The caddy answers, “I forgot.”
Last, but not least: Life is a continuous journey and it’s always under construction.
