Think About This: Don’t you love how in scary movies the person calls out “Hello?” As if the killer/psycho is going to reply, “I’m in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?”
Q: How can you avoid that curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 70+ year-old husband?
A: Tell him you’re pregnant.
Q: Why should 70+ year-old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don’t forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 70+ year-olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem. Retrieving it is the problem.
Q: Where should 70+ year-olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 70+ years-old people when they enter antique stores?
A: “Gosh, I remember these!”
Q. You have $400. Your daughter texts and says she needs $200. Then your son texts and requests $150. How much do you have left?
A. $400 and 2 Unanswered texts.
Signs of Menopause for Women
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You change your underwear after every sneeze.
3. Your husband says, “Hi honey, I’m home.” And you reply, “Well, if it isn’t Ozzie “freakin’ Nelson.”
4. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he’ll use you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.
Menopause Questions for Men
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you’re handy you can finish the basement. When you’re done, you will have a place to live.
Q: I’ve been told that menopause is mentioned in the bible. If true, where can it be found:
A: Matthew 14:92 – “And Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Egypt.”
And Finally: I just had a physical. The doctor said: “Don’t eat anything fatty.” I said, “Like bacon and burgers?” He replied: “No fatty. Don’t eat anything!”
