John and Betty were 88 years old and had been married for sixty-five years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they carefully watched their pennies.
Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to Betty’s insistence on eating healthy foods and exercising for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn’t help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed; sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.
John gasped in astonishment when St. Peter said: “Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.”
He asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost. “Why, nothing,” Peter replied, “Remember, this is your reward in Heaven.”
John looked out the window and he saw a championship golf course – finer and more beautiful than anything on Earth. “What are the greens fees?” he asked. “This is heaven,” St. Peter replied. “You can play for free, every day.”
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them – from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts. “Don’t even ask,” St. Peter happily told to the couple. “This is Heaven. It is all free for you to enjoy.”
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife Betty. After a few awkward moments, John inquired: “Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods. And what about the decaffeinated tea?”
“That’s the best part,” St. Peter replied. “You can eat and drink as much as you like – whatever and whenever you like – and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!”
John glared at his wife and said, “You and your freaking bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago!”
