1. “Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?” “Yes, it’s February 14.”
2. Who always has a date on Valentine’s Day?” “A calendar.”
3. “How did the squirrel get his valentine’s attention?” “He acted like a nut.”
4. “How do you keep a jewelry store safe on Valentine’s Day?” “You locket.”
5. “What do you call sweets that can keep a beat?” “Candy rappers.”
6. What do you call a romance that starts at the aquarium?” “Guppy love.”
7. “How do vampires know if they had a successful Valentine’s Day?” “If it’s love at first bite.”
8. “Why should you date a goalie?” “He’s a keeper.”
9. “What did the painter tell his girlfriend?” “I love you with all my art.”
10. “What did the man with the broken leg tell his valentine?” “I have a crutch on you.”
11. “What did one volcano say to the other?” “I lava you.”
12. “What did one blueberry say to the other on Valentine’s Day?” “I love you berry much.”
13. “What did the cucumber say to the pickle?” “You mean a great dill to me.”
14. “What did one sheep say to the other on February 14?” “I love ewe.”
15. “What did one flame say to another on Valentine’s Day?” “We’re a perfect match.”
16. “How did the whale ask the other whale on a Valentine’s date?” “Whale you be mine?”
17. “What do you call a ghost’s sweetheart?” “A ghoul-friend.”
And Finally: The church held a “Marriage Seminar” and the priest asked Luigi, as his 50th wedding anniversary approached, to share some insight into how he managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Luigi replied: “Well, I tried to treat her well and spend money on her. But the best thing I did was take her to Italy for our 20th anniversary.”
The priest said: “Luigi, you are an inspiration to all husbands here today. Please tell the audience what you plan for your wife for your 50th anniversary.”
Luigi proudly replied: “I’m gonna go and get her.”
