1. You know you’re getting old when someone calls at 8 p.m. and asks if they woke you.
2. I discovered it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
3. The older I get, the more I start making the same noises as my coffee maker.
4. Hey guys: You know you’re getting old when the answer to the “boxers or briefs” question is “Depends.”
5. You know you’re getting old when your back goes out more than you do.
6. Don’t mess with old people, because life in prison is no longer really a deterrent.
7. I’ve discovered that people my age shouldn’t eat health food; we need all the preservatives we can get.
8. As I get older, life finally started to click for me… well, at least my knees, back and neck.
9. I went to the doctor because I thought I had arthritis. I don’t. I have early onset rigor mortis.”
10. Hey, all you Sun City/Solera residents: Don’t let getting older get you down. It’s too hard to get back up
11. I’m proud to admit: To get to be this old and wise, you first had to be young and stupid.
12. When I was young, I could walk into the grocery store with two dollars and leave with bread, eggs and butter. But these days, there are too many cameras.’
13. I’ve gotten better at multitasking as I age – now I can laugh and pee at the same time.
*My Prayer for Good Health: God grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
*Showing My Age: I don’t know about you, but I think it’s weird being the same age as old people.And Finally: A Sun City elderly man in the hospital, hours to live, asks his wife for one last chance to make love. She turns him down with, “That’s easy for you to say. You don’t have to get up in the morning!”
