I promised you that I would treat you to one more article involving the Darwin Awards. Here are a few involving our Holiday Season.
Beware Chimneys, Santa: Shaun violated a restraining order for stalking his girlfriend. He decided to defy the laws of physics and gain entrance to her house by climbing into her 12” by 15” opening at the top of her chimney like Santa.
Not a good plan – Shaun became wedged in the chimney.
Sometime later, a neighbor, hearing shrill screams coming from his neighbor’s roof top, found Shaun stuck twelve feet down in the neighbor’s chimney. The police and the media were called to remove Shaun from the chimney.
Many embarrassing hours later, the police and fire departments removed Shaun by rope and jackhammer. He was released from the chimney and taken into custody for violating the restraining order and burglary.
He became a local celebrity from the media attention. One of the most incredible things he said about his escapade was that “I should get a Darwin Award!” Because he did not die from his adventure, Shaun was given an Honorable Mention from the Darwin Society.
The Bumbershoot: During a Holiday show, a sword-swallower died after he put an umbrella down his throat – and accidentally pushed the button that opened it.
The Christmas Roast: Telephone relay company night watchman, Henry, was killed early Christmas morning by microwave radiation exposure. Henry was suspended once before for violating several safety infractions.
The night of the accident, Henry felt very cold and decided to warm himself in front of the company’s large microwave dish. Microwaves can heat water molecules in human tissue as well as their main industrial purpose.
Henry took a six pack of beer and some snacks and positioned himself on a lawn chair in front of the large Microwave. Henry’s body was discovered by the daytime watchman who was greeted by an odor he mistook for a Christmas roast and discovered “the roast” to be Henry.
By the way, the beers had exploded also.
