By: Dan Roberts - Publisher
"What's on TV tonight?" That’s the usual question my Rana asks after dinner.
I recognize that many couples have different television viewing habits and I’m curious if yours are different than ours. After nearly two years of "playing house" with Rana, we have established a series of unwritten rules for watching TV.
Rule 1: No commercials. Unlike yours truly, Rana is video-savvy and knows how to work the DVR. She tapes everything to be played back at a later date. No problem there.
Rule 2: The remote always stays with me. As the accompanying photo attests, while we might be surrounded by our dogs and getting up to visit the bathroom is a major production, the remote is never more than an arm-reach away._
Rule 3: Call it being in love or an "Empty Brain Syndrome," I will always watch whatever she chooses. Mercifully, no reality shows or the Bachelorette are on her “must-see” list, but from Judge Judy to Dr. Phil, whatever my lady picks, I say "ok."
One of the intriguing discoveries in living with a person on a day-to-day basis is that you learn their TV viewing preferences and to anticipate their favorites. In my case, and for reasons I still find fascinating (or frightening) Rana loves crime and murder mysteries.
In reading any TV guide/review that discusses a "gruesome murder scene" or a "brutal, senseless killing" I can guarantee that she'll tape it and remark: "This sounds good."
Thankfully she does not keep written notes on what trips up the assassin, but suffice to say, if you ever hear or read that I "disappeared" or decided to take "an extended vacation alone," kindly notify Metro.
In addition to our "touching television togetherness tendencies" there is one last commandment that has worked its way into our viewing patterns. Rule 4: No matter what we are watching, should she "occasionally" fall asleep, I immediately switch to ESPN.
Now the "over-under" as to when she begins an "occasional" nap is 13 minutes. Merely closing her eyes however does not suffice, as Rana has pointedly reminded me that she has the extraordinary skill to watch TV with her eyes closed.
No...there must be proof - perhaps some sound coming from her (and let me quickly add, my Rana does not snore, but merely inhales at an aggressive rate) and only then, I still gently ask: "You asleep?"
Should my inquiry go unanswered (or I hear more air being sucked in), notwithstanding how "grisly the murder," its sports time.
Now there are some pitfalls, certain dangers in Rule 4. First and foremost, my Ladylove has the unbelievable ability to fall sound asleep, wake up (as if nothing ever happened) and then return to dreamland in less than 20 seconds.
"How do you do that?" I constantly marvel. She innocently responds with a simple "Do what?" before drifting back to la-la land.
I cannot begin to tell you how many times she hooks-up with the Sandman and after 20-30 minutes (or about 2 innings) she slowly opens her eyes with a "I was watching that!"
As any good partner, I have learned to adjust. And when it's time to turn in for the night (I “occasionally” have to wake her up to announce it's time to go to sleep) she will invariably ask "what happened?" or how did the program end, and appears to be satisfied when I advise that "they all got killed."
In the meantime, while I have no doubt or concerns that it will ever be necessary, be aware that I left a secret message on my hard drive. Just alert forensics.