Well, one of the big-three holidays have come and gone, yet some reminders linger. Like that huge bulge that blocks my view as I attempt to look down at the scale.
One researcher reported that the average American adds one pound to his body weight during the holidays. How on earth did he arrive at that miniscule number?
Did the poll include skeletons in the grave? Did they only survey ultra-marathon runners?
Right before Thanksgiving, I was standing in the checkout line at the grocery store trying to figure out which of the figures ahead of me was the customer – and which was the Butterball Turkey! Have you noticed how the checkout stands have gradually gotten wider over the years?
That’s not to accommodate more customers, but rather more OF the customer.
One of the unique aspects of the Christmas season is that one can quadruple his calorie intake without spending a penny on food. That’s because everywhere you go there’s free food. Strangers will stop you on the sidewalk and shove jars of cashews and mints in your face.
At work, fellow employees will eat anything. It can be hard as a rock, burnt black as coal, or melted into a slimy jelly-like substance that must be eaten with a straw – it doesn’t matter.
You can even place the most hideous looking, teeth-jarring, stale baked goods in the office, turn your back for a second, and they’re gone. Not only will someone eat it, but quite often the gleefully grinning victim will even compliment the beneficent donor: “I can’t believe your family wouldn’t eat that green meatloaf; it was deeeeelicious!”
I believe that one has to question the very sanity of eating some of the classic Christmas fare. Would we actually eat a lot of this stuff if it wasn’t for some spirit of the season obligation?
Can you see yourself lying on the beach soaking up summer rays while biting into a sticky green popcorn ball with a hunk of fruit cake for a chaser? Of course not. Yet during the Christmas season, we think nothing of eating this stuff.
Just try counting calories this time of year. Chances are, you’ll blow up your calculator.
