1. An ugly person standing under the mistletoe, and everyone pretending not to notice.
2. Shaking the box to figure out what your present might be… and hearing it break.
3. When little children are encouraged to sit on a stranger’s lap (pretty sure I’m gonna be killed for this one)
4. A time when everyone wants their past forgotten… and their present remembered.
5. A warm, cheery festival celebrating the joy of retail merchandise.
What a Husband! A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. After hearing about this extravagant gift, his friend said: “I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles.”
“She did,” he replied. “But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?”
Love Those Grandkids: Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
“I pray for a new bicycle. I pray for a new video game. I pray for a new hat.”
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger one and said: “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf.”
To which the little brother replied: “No, but Grandma is!”
My Favorite Christmas Story: A couple (Greg & Nancy) were shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed. Walking through the mall, Nancy noticed Greg was nowhere around. She used her cell phone to call him.
Greg, in a calm voice, said: “Honey, remember the jewelry store we went into five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?”
With tears in her eyes, Nancy answered: “Yes, I remember that jewelry store.”
He said: “Well I’m in the bar right next to it.”
And My Annual Wish to Santa: This year, please give me a big, fat bank account and a slim body. Once again, you mixed them up.
