On Getting Old:
- I used to know a Sun City couple who grew fruit trees together. They lived to a ripe old age.
- What goes up but never comes down? Your age.
- Old age makes us great multitaskers. Why, I can sneeze and pee at the same time!
- One benefit of old age is that your secrets are always safe with your friends – because they can’t remember them!
- What’s the best part of old age? That it doesn’t last very long.
- What’s the secret to having a smoking hot body as a senior? Cremation.
Medical Issues:
- Hey Ladies, stop thinking of them as “hot flashes.” Think of them as your inner child playing with matches.
- How is the moon like dentures? Both come out at night.
- My doctor told me I need to sweat daily, so I told him I’d start disobeying my wife.
- I called the Incontinence Hotline recently. They asked if I could hold.
On Retirement:
- What do you call someone who enjoys Mondays? Retired.
- What’s the key to a structured retirement? A rigid nap schedule.
- Retirement is what happens between doctors’ appointments.
- Why do retirees smile so much? Because they can’t hear a word you’re saying.
- The truth is retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.
Your Spouse & Kids
- Love is like one long, sweet dream. Marriage is the alarm clock.
- Bickering with your spouse is like trying to read the Terms of Use for a new service. In the end, you just give up and click “I agree.”
- I always wanted to marry Mrs. Right. I just didn’t know her first name was going to be “Always.”
- Of all your children, the only one who won’t grow up and move away is your husband.
- Remember: Be kind to your kids. They choose your nursing home.
And Final Thought: Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
