Rules to Live By
1. Always forgive your enemy but remember the SOB’s name.
2. Money cannot buy happiness but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they’re in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive today only because its illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol has never solved any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
6. Being naked with shoes on feels more naked than being totally naked.
7. It’s a humbling moment when you realize your dog has successfully trained you to do something.
8. My goal was to lose 15 pounds by New Year’s. Only 20 more to go.
9. It’s true that men cannot buy love. But they sure can rent it.
* My wife suddenly stopped talking and said, “You weren’t even listening were you?” I thought that’s a pretty weird way to start a conversation.
** A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink. “Is everything okay, pal” the bartender asks.
“My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t talking to me for a month!” Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know perhaps a little peace and quiet?”
“Yeah.” the guy replied. “But today’s the last day.”
And that’s how the fight started: Wife: “Wake up! I hear a rat eating last night’s dinner. Husband replied: Go back to sleep I’ll bury it in the morning.”
And Finally: Sometimes you meet someone and you just know from that very first moment, that you want to spend the rest of your life without them.
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